Are You In Pain?
by Emi The Ninja
Summary: oneshot:/ Leo is doubting him self and his depression is slowly making it's notice in the family, until Raph catches Leo on doing something horrible


**how many fic has Leo doubting him self as leader: around 200 if I've counted right...and remember those i've readed ^-^ (still depressed)**

**never mind that, just enjoy**

**Disclaimer: *singing* Don't own them, and i never will**

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Raph was beating the daylight out of his bag again, Mikey took his frustration out on his battle games and Donnie pretty much scrapped the most unrepairable stuff in his lab and the garage. The past few weeks had been a torture for them since their eldest brother hadn't said a single word and he looked more and more sad and depressed, not even Mikey could get a word out of him.

Leo had been in his room most of the times but he would sometimes go on patrol in the sewers and Raph was about to join him, when ever the fearless leader liked it or not. The eldest turtle emerged from his room and left the lair, his eyes filled with sadness, pain and failure. Like something was bother his heart to give up and it only made Raph feel more helpless, that he could ease his brother's pain.

Raph sneaked up to Leo's room and found a note...but the words written on it was enough to kill him:

_I'm sorry I failed you all...As a brother, son and leader...And I'm sorry for leaving you in pain..._

_but I don't think I deserve to even exist, this is my last wish though, that you will be fine and stay together as a family...When you find this...One of my swords might have killed me already_

_I'm sorry...But I love you all_

_Leonardo_

Raph grabbed the note and tracked Leo's signal and then high tailed after him, he couldn't let his brother kill him self...he just couldn't! He was o going to smack sense in his brother when he got his hands on him.

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Leo sat on a the roof top and thought about his family, he knew that his silence had worried them. But he wondered how it would be if he left them for good, could he still be around as a spirit and help them when they were in trouble? That was a question he had wondered about for a while and he hadn't noticed the people who loved him, his face had changed from strong to full of sadness, like his heart caused him pain.

He had been him self as leader and had noticed that Raph was more fit for it, so why hadn't he been chosen? Sure Leo was the eldest but did he have to be the leader for it? Leo sighed and unsheathed one of his swords and looked at it, he made sure they were sharpen everyday...But he didn't know if he had the courage to do it...

Suddenly he was knocked backwards and it made him lose the grip of the hilt, Leo struggled to get out of the grip but then felt the hardest smack ever "ARE YOU COMPLETELY INSANE?!" Leo closed his eyes, of course Raph would have followed! He was screwed "What the shell made you almost kill your self!" Raph hissed and tighten his grip to keep Leo's hands behind his shell. Raph was still trying to regain his breath after the sprint match he just had from the lair to here. He had almost run so fast that he must have teared up the asphalt on the way and left it burning.

Leo sighed and relaxed, Raph felt Leo's arms slowly go limp and let go a little but he still held him "What made you think of this? Don't you realize that you have people who cares?! Mikey and Donnie would go nuts if I found you dead already...What made you almost commit suicide?!" Raph asked and waited for Leo to answer. Leo knew that Raph wouldn't let him go until he got what he wanted.

"I feel like I've failed everyone..." Leo whispered and felt Raph slowly let go and knew that his words had shocked him

"What?" "I failed to keep you guys safe!"

"Is this about the oil platform battle? Bishop knew that you want all of us to get out alive and he focused on that, it wasn't your fault and when we got separated we just jumped in the water and waited for you to show up but...you were fighting Bishop" "I-I thought you guys were dead...!"

SMACK!

Raph felt his hand almost brake when he slapped Leo, he had to knock some sense in him. Leo felt his chin burning where Raph had hit him "Don't ever think about it again! Just stop worrying about it! You can't stop everything from happening" Leo looked down and seemed to understand what Raph meant with all this...As long as he was happy his family would be the same.

But if he killed him self they would know something was wrong and find him dead and it would brake them. Mikey would never stop having nightmares, donnie would work him self to death and RAph would get him self killed in a battle and Splinter would get really ill and leave the remaining turtles in pain, Leo wasn't there to make them heal and keep living.

"If I ever died...what would you do?"

"Kill our selfs"

Raph grabbed his sai's and found his younger brother standing not far from them, Leo looked at them and wondered how any of them had found him. He had left his shell cell in the lair, Mikey laughed at Leo's confused look and admitted "We can handle our selfs...but it's also a relief to know that we got you watching us like a hawk! Makes me at least a little more safe"

Donnie nodded to show that he agreed but didn't say anything, words couldn't describe the relief and love their brother had for them...they couldn't even tell how much they loved him for being their strength "Does this mean you finally snap out of it?!" Raph muttered when he ripped his Sai off where it held the sword pinned down tight, Leo sheathed his sword and didn't say anything, but he nodded just to show that he was a little better.

"Let's go home...and please don't try kill your self again Leo...COZ THEN I WILL MYSELF!" Raph roared the last part right in Leo ear, leaving the eldest half deaf. Mikey just smiled and left Donnie smacking his bo staff in Raph's head while running around on the roof top. Leo tiny smile just got bigger til he started chuckle, making the younger one smile even bigger.

"Looks like my big bro is back!" (Mikey: 8D)

"Maybe...but i never left" (Leo: -_-' ^-^) Leo said and watched Donnie finally knock Raph down, Mikey ran to help out and Raph finally had to beg Leo to get them off him. Leo watched them a little more before he finally couldn't hold him self and laughed, Raph was left getting attacked by his younger brothers "Looks like Leo isn't thinking about it any more" Mikey whispered.

"Thank God for that" Donnie mumbled and tried to hold Raph's left arm "you do realize I can toss you like a glove!" Leo smiled both in and outside, he wasn't depressed any more, knowing that his brother would be there with him til the end.

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**believe it or not...this took me a week to finish -_-' no matter what i wrote it didn't make any sence so I rewrote the whole thing, hope it's good for you guys!**


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